I’ve been a lazy shit lately. And, not in the sit on the couch eat chips and watch tv kinda way. Although to be honest, there have been a few well deserved moments of that here and there. But, what I’m actually speaking about is being lazy in life. After some quiet time and self reflection THAT has been the essence of my struggle recently. When it comes to being responsible, organized, and making shit happen… I’m your gal. I run a small business as a solo entrepreneur logging many hours training clients, emailing, cleaning the studio, running and worrying about my business, but I have not paid nearly as much attention and effort to my own personal growth or even pleasure. That, my Friends, is the perfect recipe for disaster.
Last month I had the epic experience of attending the Radiance Retreat in Venice, California with a group of 50 brilliant and bright women. I remember Neghar, one of the facilitators, saying “this weekend, we only speak at medium volume”. And, she was right… we went DEEP! It was beautiful and scary and eye opening and just fucking LIFE! To be fully transparent, I have felt burnt out for a long while now and really it’s no small wonder when you consider the previous paragraph. During the retreat one of my fellow Radiant Sisters asked me what made me happy? What did I do for myself every day that made me happy? Not my business. Not my partner. Not my clients. ME. You know what the scariest shit was? …. I couldn’t name ONE THING. Legit, not one thing flew into the forefront of my mind. I can’t even begin to tell you what an eye opening experience this was for me because it showed me just how severely disconnected I had become from my true self. How did that happen?
As kids we have our parents, our teachers, and our mentors to keep us accountable to our own positive habits. Did you make your bed today? Have you brushed your teeth? Have you moved your body? Or, expanded your brain? As adults NO ONE looks over your shoulder to make sure you are keeping a tight ship; inside and out. And, while we may be responsible to ourselves and others in many ways I think it is easy to fall into the trap of automated living. I sure did. It’s comfortable and relatively painless. But, the shit thing of it is you can stay in that space for a while because it feels so easy and no one will nag you out of it. When we live in an automated way sooner or later the easy isn’t so “easy” any more and discomfort and dissonance show up. Sometimes we don’t even realize how uncomfortable we have become in ourselves until it’s brought into focus. When prompted, I couldn’t answer the question of what made me happy because I got out of the habit of actively pursuing the things that made me happy and even further stopped seeking out new thrills. I was handling my work life, although now that too is arguable all things considered, but got super lazy handling Erica.
Like I said, automated or lazy living is a trap. It might feel easier to come home and flick on the TV or search social media after a long day, however what serves us further in the long run for life energy and personal growth is taking that hour and pursuing a true pleasure or personal development instead. Here are some thoughts for what those tasks can be, because as I said, I straight up had to meditate on what I actually enjoyed doing in life, so if you too have a hard time reconnecting to yourself these ideas might help:
Read a book! Remember when you used to like doing that? Or when you were curious about something just for the sake of it? Go explore it in a book!
Write SOMETHING! It doesn’t matter what… stream of consciousness is an amazing starting point… see what comes up!
Self Care! Basically do YOU, BOO BOO! Taking a bath, getting a massage, working out are all great ways to reconnect into your body. Take care of you for the sake of you- no one else!
Expand your thoughts and your conversations. Put yourself in new situations where you can meet and learn from new people (The Radiance Retreat is yearly...and fucking life changing….GO!). It will help grow your compassion and your own mental experience. Interacting in the world in new ways also helps you feel connected to the human race and might lead you to new discoveries and insights.
Nature! Enough said. Get some grass in your toes and listen to the birds. Mother Nature is always a good choice.
The feeling of dis- ease that I have experienced over the last several years I’m confident is directly related to how lazy I have been in pursuing my own personal growth and pleasures. Coming to this realization has been the result of action. Some problems you cannot “think away”. Most actually. Action is the one true mechanism by which you can begin to remove anxiety over where you are and where you want to be. I didn’t even know what made me happy…. So I did SOMETHING. That task of writing and exploring my thoughts made me realize.. Shit, I actually like this! And, I used to be good at this before I stopped pursuing it. One action begets further action and soon developement and insight, but we all need to start somewhere. And, wherever you are is ok. In life we have to stay just as committed to developing our soul’s purpose as we are to brushing our teeth daily. No one is coming to save you or create the life you have dreamed for yourself. Or, even more simply to make you happy! You gotta DO YOU Boo Boo! Coming from one human who’s learning this lesson in real time; it isn’t always easy but stay tapped in because a little effort does go a long way.